JAA - Week 3

Its harder to imagine feeling any worse than I do right now. I have been trying to do all the right things but I seem to be accomplishing nothing except banging my head against a wall. I am seriously questioning why I am even doing this to myself and am becoming afraid that there is something more wrong with me than just bad diet.

Physically I am a wreck. We had dinner out at a couple of restaurants this week..nothing out of the ordinary..and both times I felt really sick the next day. I developed some sort of food allergy earlier this week (I suspect seafood) that has resulted in my mouth becoming excrutiatingly painful and full of nasty sores. I have lost no weight in spite of sticking with the plan and taking big walks every day. My hair is still falling out/breaking off in large amounts every day...to the point where I am considering shaving my head so that I don't have to keep cleaning it up. My sleep has been sporadic to the point of practically non-existant and, to top it off, Mother Nature has decided to drop in for a monthly visit.

Mentally I am at an all time low. Besides feeling incredibly sorry for myself I had to say goodbye to the girls for two weeks this morning. Every year they travel to visit distant relatives with my ex. for a couple of weeks. They always have a great time and really look forward to it. Usually I am eager for them to go and happy for the peace and quiet. This year its different. All I want to do is keep them close to me because it seems like they are the only bright spot right when everything else seems to be going to hell. But, like a good mom, I swallowed my tears, packed up their things and kissed them goodbye. I know that they are going to have way more fun there than staying home and being bored but I still selfishly wish they were here.

Thats all there is to show for this week. Hopefully there is some truth to the saying "its always darkest before the dawn".